📉 Tesla reports catastrophic Q1 sales

📈 While oil and gold continue to rally

😶 Q1 begins with a whimper

💥 While tensions escalate in the Middle East

👏 Jobs Jobs Jobs this week

🫏 But inflation remains stubborn

🐰 A Good Friday to you, sir.

🥝 Plus, Happy Core PCE Day to those who celebrate

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The newest meme stock in town

🥱 Another ATH for the S&P

🎮 But GameStop had its worst day in years.

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🪓 Big layoffs at Bell, Dell (and UPS as well)

🍫 And WTF is up with cocoa prices?

🔫 The EU is gunning for Apple, Google, and Meta

🌉 While Baltimore's Key bridge disintegrates

🚒 More Boeing planes and tires fall out of the sky

🏢 While the jobless rate holds steady

🏛️ The government will stay open

🤷🏽 But US debt is about to hit $35 Trillion

🍎 Apple's Chinese tire fire

🦹‍♂️ Meanwhile, a Bond villian called in a bomb threat to a Tesla plant